Por la ultima vez

I have come and gone. Things I have seen and things I have done. I’ve seen the world but the world’s just not the same when you’re missing something, someone you’ve left behind. As I walked along the last 7 days in Sevilla, there were a lot of “lasts” that I really uniquely experienced in Sevilla:

• I will miss the 3 block walk to the bus stop and the 20 minute ride to campus. I’ll never be able to do that back home. I’ll miss jaywalking with cars running in the streets, walking home from anywhere and random walks in the park. You don’t have those things where I live.
• I’ll miss UPO, the school that looks like a prison, complete with its own watchtower. UPO has rekindled my love for (beach) volleyball. The people I have met there helped me grow, and forced better Spanish to come out of my mouth. I also think having a beer tap in the cafeteria is awesome. No need for Ids there. I wish I knew what campus beer tasted like.
• I’m going to miss 3pm lunch times and 10pm dinner times. Not really. But I’ll miss the family I have come to enjoy being with, whose constant love for me like a son cannot be compared to any other hosts other than my blood parents and very close relatives. Thank you for helping me understand you and for understanding me. You encouraged me to be a better speaker and not be afraid to express my thoughts, in Spanish.
• I’m going to miss Tuesday nights at Rodilla talking about Jesus. Thank you for being my community away from home. You have encouraged me to have a heart filled with humility as I try to embrace other faiths and beliefs. For in God’s eyes, we’re all his children. I appreciate the thoughts that you have shared and the laughs you’ve made. Ladies should always be encouraged. You should not throw sugar across the table and always remember that Jesus is in everyone.
• I’m going to miss flamenco, tapas and churros (very early in the morning). Midnight snacks/early breakfasts are the best pick me up from a long, tiring day. Who knew that 8 euros can get me full. $20 can’t get me full in Calgary, and that’s 4 meals already. Sevilla, thanks for the great cultural ride.
• I’m going to miss the unique faith of Sevilla, from its love for Mary to the beautiful altars that praise God in what he created. Glorious can’t even compare. Macarena, La O, Esperanza de Triana, El Gran Poder, you are all awesome. We did it till dawn that one time.
• I’m going to miss walking from Prado to centro almost every day and seeing the odd tour group, random Asians popping out of nowhere, bikes riding on train tracks, the laid back Andalucian style, maybe even the horse poo you try to avoid stepping on the street. I’m going to miss hanging out by the river to see random people in swimsuits tanning, teens and locals carrying plastic bags of beer to drink in public. Things you find so random but so normal, it’s awesome.
• I think I’ll miss the beach the most. Being an island boy at heart and being landlocked in Calgary truly makes me sad. Mr./Ms. Atlantic Ocean, I loved dipping in your waters, jumping from heights and being on an aquatic vessel on you. I will see your other half, the Pacific, by the end of the year.

To all those I have met along the way, it’s been a wild ride. I have truly enjoyed your company. Thank you for sharing all this time with me and putting up with my stupidity, my friends will tell you they got a good break from it. I have made fantastic friends here, whom I hope will come visit me in Calgary. I’ll visit you after I’m done school, after December, sometime then. With belief or unbelief, I see God in you and I will continue to pray for you. Your hearts have spoken true to me and I hope mine has run true to you.

Truth is: People have places to call home. Even if we work far away, called to mission, living a dream or being away on a whim, home is a different feeling. As much as I love Sevilla, it is only a temporary home. My true home is not here. My true home is where my heart is, where I left it.

Sevilla, I love you. I’ll return to you, with my heart next time. But for now, I’m on my way home. I’m coming home, to my heart, as fast as I can.

Branded: Non-Graduating 4th Year

It’s 6:00am, the alarm clock rings for the new day. Begrudgingly you get up, remembering that you stayed up until late at night trying to finish a 10 page paper that you only started the night before. As you get up, you decide to sleep for what you thought was just another 15 minutes. You wake up and you see that it’s 5 minutes before your first class of the day. You get up, rushing and making your way through your room, collecting your stuff, taking a shower, getting dressed and going through the rest of the morning routine, all the while cursing the man who invented the snooze button. You grab a coffee, as you leave your home, getting by knowing that caffeine is the breakfast of champions. As you perk up, you realize that class is over, not grasping a single word that your professor just said, but remembering that this person broke up with so and so on Facebook, that there’s a sale on shoes in the mall, beat the boss on the last level of your vide game and you’ve already checked your email 4 times this morning.

You go through your day asking yourself where the light of day went. It seems like being in school is like living at home and your house seems like a momentary Shangri-La, never really reaping the benefits. You put in some volunteer work and go to your part-time job, hoping to boost your resume to prepare you for work the next summer and paying off tuition or the random out of town trip. Summer seems like work, taking Spring or Summer courses to catch up the ones your dropped the previous semesters because of too much procrastinating and partying. You read the textbook for the first time, just recently unwrapped, the night before your final. You don’t sleep, relying solely on the magic of Red Bull to keep you awake throughout your 3 hour final. You survive on a diet of microwavable dinners, fast food, Chinese and KD, temporarily giving you energy and also giving just cause to tell yourself you need to lose weight.

Finally, you reach your last few courses to complete that elusive 40 course minimum, asking yourself where all this time had gone. You start to doubt where you’re going, if success is at hand, and what’s going to happen for the rest of your life. You’ve worked so hard, made lasting and not so lasting relationships, gone through days without sleep, cramming to get a letter on a piece of paper you call a degree. Sound familiar? If not, welcome to the world of a post-secondary student.

Truth is: There are few things that satisfy in life. The most satisfying ones are the ones you’ve worked hard for the longest. I’m not graduating this year but I don’t care. An extra semester is not a defining moment in a person’s life. I did not fail. No 4 year guarantee plus cash award will make me regret this decision. How many people have gone and done the same things I have? How many friends have I made and how many times did I eat to satisfy my distaste for this $500 a class joke that will lead me to a good livelihood? Pressure is just something that should motivate, not ridicule and promote fear. If you ever struggle with post-secondary, ask yourself if you’d trade your experiences given by the life-long relationships you’ve built. It’s okay to take 4 courses a semester and graduate a year later, taking internships, volunteering abroad and other things that enhance your university experience. It’s supposed to prepare the person for the professional life, for the life ahead. It’s hard to do, but we move along and curse that alarm clock the next day.

Finals Diaries Part II – Can You Say Three?

I have tasted it, freedom that is, and it tastes good. There is always a reason to celebrate when you leave your last final, shaken, berated, always wanting to celebrate that you’re done school for a number of months. Then, you shake of that feeling and go home, get some sleep. It’s never a dull moment with post-secondary students – only tired, sleepy and very fatigued ones.

 

I came home from my last final on Wednesday thinking to myself, “There’re a lot of things to look forward to in the summer.” I’m going to Australia for a month. I get to see the pope, cuddle with koalas and go home saying “mate” to everybody. I’m going to my last conference as YFC. I can honestly say that I enjoyed my time in this organization, and I am glad to part with it when C4 is completed. That 20 000 is, I know, a very long and treacherous road, but my C4 promise has been fulfilled.

 

I’m also going to work. As fun as that sounds, at least I have a job to return to and one that can really set off that giant student load debt off so that I could pay it soon. Can you say 1.5 years? I’m also starting a new business with some of my buddies. It’s going to be a challenge: money’s going to be thrown everywhere and I hope Herbert can check where they’re all going. I think they should be well spent. The last thing I’m looking forward to is training my replacement, whom God will send for when the time is right. I have some ideas but I haven’t heard God out yet.

Truth is: Despite all this, fourth year will be a somber one. I promised myself and few people that I won’t be doing as much. I will achieve a good balance by not being so involved. There are so many things that God has in line for me and I have to keep myself available to realize those things. I can never appreciate enough the impact that the experiences I had in school will ever bring to my life: I learned to love and be loved by coffee. I got back into Bake Chef subs and loaves. Late nights are nothing and 17 page papers can just get shredded. Sleep is a luxury and A’s are a rarity (for me, that is) Can you say three? That’s how long it’s been since I slept decently.

Finals Diaries and Hockey Hi-jinks

So the Flames lost a terrible run indeed. It’s a call for them be better I guess. It was funny because my mom was like, “Why did the Sharks score?!” and “Sorry, they’re going to lose.” and “The Sharks are just too good.” She said this the whole time of the last 13 minutes of the 3^rd period. I told her that she seemed unsure. She said she was praying for a miracle, hard to believe when that was all she was saying. I think it’s like me when I get really inconsistent with my behaviour. I don’t know what I want and I get people confused.

 

One another note, my first final got cancelled! So there were about 500 students Monday at noon waiting for the gym doors to open but we were made to leave. Don’t get me wrong, I started studying at around 9:00pm the night before but I would have gladly done the final then and there. You get mixed feelings with a final being postponed. What adds salt to the wound is the postponed final is after my Finance final, one day after. I don’t think I can retain information in that span of time. Besides, how many of us actually take advantage of that extra time when most of us remain to procrastinate? Hmmm.

 

Truth is: Being a student is very much like being a fan of any sport. We get caught in our habits that we can’t stick to one kind of behaviour. There are the procrastinators who get upset when they did terrible. They say, “Next time I’ll try harder and use my time to actually study than the night before.” Then there are your fans who are so disappointed when their team loses. They hate them because of how poorly they performed. Still, they jump back on the bandwagon when they start winning again.

 

Do you think you’re like these people? Think about it and try to think of the others who you’ve confused because of your inconsistent behaviour. Then, try to change that. It’s hard, I know, because I have my own personal struggle with it and I’m not any better. The key word is try and then make the best of it.

The Blues of Driving

People drive. It’s a necessity. Wait, is it “truth is” yet? No, it’s not. Still, people need to drive. They don’t intend to, but they just suck at it. I’m not the best driver, but I know that there are others who need to definitely work on it. The five things that I hate about driving are five different kinds of people.

5. Drivers who can’t decide which lane they want to be in. In their indecisiveness, they choose both. If you can’t decide, stay off the road.

4. People who drive under the speed limit IN GOOD DRIVING CONDITIONS AND IN THE FAST LANE. Sometimes I wonder if they’re in it just to tick the hell out of people, because I am. They’re better off pushing a shopping cart.

3. Tailgaters. They are one of the worst people I know. I am still a relatively new driver and I can’t help but feel pressured when you’re in front of them. Since they suck at driving, my advice is to just pass me. I’m in the slow lane, too!

2. People who don’t signal. Honestly, they are moving and very dangerous hazards on the road. People are not mind readers. They can’t do anything about you sideswiping them after you moved when you clearly indicated no warning beforehand.

1. Finally, people who drive ultra small cars. There is nothing more annoying than finding a seemingly free parking spot after a few minutes of looking for one when you find a really small car parked in it. I hate smart cars! You honestly can’t see them until you’ve decided to go in only to find that the seat’s already been taken. I think they should have extendable bumpers that go out when parked. I drove a Honda Fit for a week once, I hated it. No offence to the owners.

Truth is: Driving is a necessary evil. People need to move. They don’t mean to clog the streets, pollute the air and destroy natural resources to pave the way for infrastructure (not intentionally). No one is perfect but we could use better drivers on the road. So folks, get off your cellphones, take off the loud subs, stay on your lane and please drive responsibly.

Reflection Song – Remind Me (Music and Lyrics: Efren Baria, Jr. | Performed by Renee Geronimo)

Renee puts a pretty good introduction to this song. She said as Butch (the original artist) wrote this to remind himself of what was truly important to him when he needed to remember. As I do my reflection for today, I thought of coming to this one. I just came from serving at the Calgary Couple Coordinators training and I thought about how this song was structured. I could just picture Butch and Renee singing this and praying to God on how they needed to know what God has intended for them to do. In part, this is also what I would like to be reminded of.This year, I think, is becoming a truly defining one. It, in a sense, is like those coming of age stories we see/read/hear a lot about. We have this uncommon hero, a child. He doesn’t know what to do but still he keeps moving. As the song keeps going, it continues to talk about how he keeps moving along but still needs help along the way. The hero is motivated by some unseen promise that everything will be fine in the end. I think this song, for Butch, is like moving along in his life – getting married and starting his own family while continuing serving God through his ministry.

Like Butch and Renee, I find myself at a different point in my life. It’s like trying to choose whether you’re good enough to go to Level 3 when you’ve only been in Level 2 for a short time. Should I learn this new magic or be safe and buy new armour instead? Should I completely move on to SFC or should I stay for a bit more and serve with the Youth? It’s these kinds of times that we are really called to pray to God and ask Him what His plans are for us. We are called to pray about our mission, our vocation.

Truth Is: When we get confused, sometimes, we think too much that we feel that our heads are on the verge of exploding into a million pieces. We ask ourselves but no answer comes. If, however, we ask God for an answer and we surrender it to Him, we find something that even we, can’t even believe how simple that answer was. If you keep thinking about it, you’ll get nothing. If you let God think about it, you’ll find something. All we need to do is TRUST HIM that we follow the road that he leads us to take.

The Perfect Road Trip

So the Flames come home from a perfect road trip, winning 6-0 to accomplish one of the best records in NHL history. It also marks a comeback of sorts for Miikka Kipprusoff, whose lacklustre goaltending left much to be desired, and the whole hockey club who came from being 13^th in the West to sitting pretty at 7^th. It was a time where a lot of things changed and when they got home, I’m sure many welcomed them back.

The perfect road trip is a great journey to be in. There comes some preparation before the trip: packing, money, etc. Then there’s getting into the vehicle itself, beginning the drive (or ride) to a far off destination, stopping to see sights and landmarks, roadblocks and detours. We get lost, we get cranky. In the end, once you get to the destination, all your worries seem far away. And when you get home, you’re tired and sleepy, but you can’t help but be excited to share your memories with everyone the next morning.

Like the Flames, I’ve gone on my personal semi-perfect road trip. We’ve done this many times – final exam season. There comes significant preparation before the trip: studying and perpetual distractions, worries and anxiety. Once I got on the ride and finals came, there were a lot of stops along the way, many things that impeded the direction I was headed. Once I did get there, I breathed a sigh of relief, worries gone and I’m back in bed. I’m home again.

Truth is: Life is a perpetual road trip, a collection of many miniature road trips. Each day is a new journey, goals and destinations included. We get tired, bored and even frustrated when we don’t get to where we want to be, but once we get there…Once we get there, we look around, and suddenly things seem the way they should be. We’re surrounded by joy and comfort. Then, as we leave our destination, home becomes a new one. We come in the same door we came out from. We unfold the sheets, climb to the same bed we got out of and we rest. At the end of the day, we’re pretty satisfied with the way God blessed us today.

First Time Baldness

Think about this: you’ve been bald before. You point to yourself and ask, “Me?!”

I reply back, “Yes, you.” There should be no problems when you shave your head again. I mean, it’s not like it’s a totally new experience. You’ve experienced it before. So, why should this time be any different? Girls, you’ve also been bald. So why complain if you’ll lose your precious locks? I digress.

It’s like when it happened almost three weeks ago when some of the Calgary YFC brothers (that includes some “older” brothers) shaved their heads for an important cause. Kudos to you Tram, for being a great friend. A song was later dedicated to you.

So why did some brothers complain about the cold? Probably because it was, I remember one brother telling me that I should wear my bald head proudly (That’s you Mico) and not hide it with a toque. He had a point. I should have been balder than I have to be – by exposing it more. It’s not like people don’t ever see me not bald.

Which brings me to my point today, why do I complain that school is hard? Why do I say that, “I can’t concentrate” or “I can’t study?” Today, I’ve wasted 3 hours by not doing anything. I had a productive morning but a less than stellar afternoon. Could it be that I feel like I’m studying for the first time? It’s not like it’s not happened before. Studying has been a way of life for me for the last 16 years. Why should this finals season be any different?

I come across this as I find myself unable to concentrate, unable to get any work done or even understand what I’m trying to do well on. Doubts stream to my head as feelings of unertainty and fear of failing become normal nuisance thoughts. It’s like the first time a person is bald and the first thing he feels is that it’s cold. This happens for a time until the person gets used to it and eventually overcomes the obstacle of lower temperatures.

Truth is: I guess all I’m trying to do is get out of this rut and be productive. I want to succeed, it’s just that school is not that easy to begin with.